Despite not being a Demon 9

Chapter 9: I yell a surprisingly small amount

I pasted a relaxed smile on my face and walked towards Heouie.

The two grunts moved to block my path. My eyes flicked towards their statuses floating right in front of them.

Name: Dipsun
Level: 48
Age: 25
Race: Human  [Details]
Afflictions: None   [Details]
Occupation: B-rank Adventurer; Gastothes Grunt

HP: 803/803
MP: 399/399

[Attributes & Titles]

Name: Sipdun

Level: 48
Age: 25
Race: Human  [Details]
Afflictions: None   [Details]
Occupation: B-rank Adventurer; Gastothes Grunt

HP: 809/809
MP: 387/387

[Attributes & Titles]

Matching names. Cute.

Both were Level 48 and were C-rank Adventurers. I had reached Level 6 just yesterday and was a simple shop employee.

“Move,” I told them.

They didn’t budge. A muscle twitched under my eye. The smile dropped off my face.



I closed my eyes, bringing my hands together in front of my mouth, and took a deep breath. While I did, Kuro skittered up my leg and kept going until it reached my shoulder. I opened my eyes.

“Get out,” I growled, “of my fucking way!

Energy rushed through my arms as I swung my fist at Dipsun. His eyes widened in shock before he doubled over.

Skill proficiency reached. [Gut Punch] has reached Level 1.

[Gut Punch], huh? Interesting. If that was a thing, then what about…

When Sipdun rushed at me, fist raised, I kicked out and got him between the legs.

Skill proficiency reached. [Low Blow] has reached Level 1.

Nice. It was strange how a Level 1 [Gut Punch] and [Low Blow] could take out two seasoned adventurers, but I could think about that later.

Sipdun let out a high keening sound as he sunk down to his knees and rested his forehead on the ground. I felt a brief pang of pity. Then I kicked him in the side. And just to make things fair, I kicked Dipsun in the side as well.

I considered stepping on them a few times, then decided there were more pressing matters to attend to. My eyes latched onto Heouie, and he flinched.

I walked towards him. He backed up. I kept walking. He kept backing up. Then his back hit the wall and he stopped backing up.

“D-don’t you know who I am?! M-my father is the lord of this town! Maybe if you bow down right now and apologise, I won’t-” Heouie tried.

“Shut up.” I planted a foot on the wall, right between his legs.

His mouth clamped shut with an almost audible clack of teeth. I slid my foot up until Heouie had to stand on his tippy toes to stop his genitals from being crushed.

…I wasn’t actually sure where to go from here.

Well, I’d just been reminded that he was, in fact, a person in a position of power, being a noble and all, so if I didn’t handle this correctly, there could be very bad consequences for me and the brothers. I’d either have to placate him enough that he no longer felt like retaliation was in order, or terrify him enough that it wouldn’t even cross his mind.

Like hell I was doing the former. I was already midway through the latter anyway, and half-assing something like that was just not on.

So scaring the living daylights out of him it was.

I leaned in real close.

“Actually, I changed my mind. I’d love to hear what you have to say,” I drawled. “Maybe if I prostrate myself before you, you won’t what?”

“I won’t, I won’t…”

“Hm…?” I raised a single, sardonic eyebrow.

“I, I won’t tell my father to send his guards to arrest you all and set fire to this miserable excuse of an item shop! Yes,” he said, gaining some confidence back, “yes, that’s right! I’m a generous man. I’ll forgive this indignity if you-”

“Alright, that’s enough,” I interrupted, shifting my foot just a little higher. He closed his mouth.

I leaned back and contemplated my next action. Let’s see… first, we needed to tell him off.

“Let’s talk about feelings, shall we, dear?” I said, absently stroking Kuro, who cooed softly and nuzzled against my hand. (So. Soft. So. Fluffy. Omg.) “Feelings. Everybody has ‘em. Good people, bad people, the pretty and the ugly. I have feelings. And you know what you did to those feelings when you opened a door right into my face and then called it ugly?”

Damn, why did I do that with my leg? Dramatic gesturing was so much more effective when done with your whole body.

I placed a hand over where my heart probably was and gave Heouie a mock-hurt look. “You hurt them, darling. You really, really hurt my feelings.”

When Heouie opened his mouth again, I lifted my foot up just a little more and lifted a single finger in front of my lips.

“Ah ah ah! I’m not done yet. Be a dear and listen quietly until the end, would you? Well,” I shrugged, “even you don’t, it’s no big deal. I’ll just have to make you.”

I let the unsaid threat hang in the air for a little while, before abruptly breaking eye-contact to twist around and use [Gut Punch] on one of the grunts. He collapsed again with a – heh – grunt of pain.

Yes! Thank you – I quickly checked his status – Dipsun! Now I could finally move my foot without dropping on the fear scale! I kicked him in thanks.

“Anyway, enough about my feelings,” I continued like I wasn’t currently grinding a man’s head into the floorboards. Shame it wasn’t dirt, really. Woulda been about twice as effective. “Now let’s talk about Arsral’s. You’ve been harassing him for how long, now? No, no, don’t answer that. It doesn’t matter.”

I was still close enough to lean in uncomfortably close – for both him and me – to his face. “So, feelings. Arsral’s feelings, specifically. I dunno what kinda dumb idea you’ve got in that pretty head of yours about the way he acts towards you, and, if you’ll excuse my language, I don’t give a shit. Here’s the facts. You like him. Correct?”

I waited until I’d gotten a shaky nod from him before going on. “You like him. He doesn’t like you. He’s probably told you as much. And then, you got it in your pretty, pretty dumb, head that he’s playing hard to get or somethin’, right? Don’t answer that either. I don’t care. Regardless, for some reason, you think acting like a complete and utter tool will earn you his affection.”

“No?” I raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think you’ve been acting like a fucking tool? Let’s review what you were saying to him before.”

Crap. I’d forgotten what words he’d used.

“I forget what words you used exactly, but I’m pretty sure you put him down through your words, implied he was nothing more than a pretty face, and just then, you threatened to set fire to this shop, something he clearly values, if you didn’t get your way. Think. About. It.

I emphasized each word with a stomp on Dipsun’s head.

“Put yourself in his shoes. If you were him, would you want a partner who acts like a spoiled toddler throwing a tantrum because it wanted something that didn’t belong to it? Would you want to be with someone who didn’t think or care about your feelings whatsoever and constantly tried to force their own views on you. Would you want to be with someone who doesn’t know how a proper fucking relationship works?!” I yelled.

Heouie’s wide eyes darted between my enraged ones, to Dipsun whose head was being ground into the floor, and back up, quickly shaking his head quickly.

I suddenly smiled.

“Good, good. I’m glad we had this talk.”

I took my foot off poor Dipsun’s head and pulled him up.

“Now, I think it’s about time for you three to leave, don’t you?” I said, dusting the stunned man off. “You’ve certainly been here long enough.”

I pulled Heouie away from the wall and bustled him towards the door. I paused.

“Unless you have further business with us?” I prompted politely.

Heouie shook his head so hard I was almost worried that it’d fly right off his neck. “N-no, no, w-we’re going, we’re going.”

“My, my,” I patted his shoulder, smirking slightly at his flinch, “I know we just had a rather confronting talk, but there’s no need to look at me like I’m the Demon King or something.”


“Ooh, manners! See, that’s the sort of thing that gets people to like you.”

Sipdun was already at the door along with Dipsun. The two of them were satisfyingly pale and the plastic slipper mark on Dipsun’s face didn’t look like it was going to go away any time soon.

I saw the three of them out with my customary wave and pleasant smile.

“Thank you for coming to Cleimeph! Heouie, I do hope you’ll reflect on what we talked about today. Or I might have to do something regrettable,” I muttered darkly. Then I brightened up again. “Please come again!”

I gave them one last wave, and closed the door.

<< | ToC | >>

Author: ashiou

on the fast track to becoming a f*ck up irl ahaha i'm so detached from reality

4 thoughts on “Despite not being a Demon 9”

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