A month before the wedding:
“Your older sister has eloped.”
I looked at my brother. My brother looked at me. Then, in sync, we turned our heads to look at our parents.
The gears were already turning in my head.
My brother hesitantly asked, “So… has the engagement been cancelled?”
“Not quite,” Father replied. “The Tachibanas have said they will still go through with the marriage.”
“How?” asked my poor, innocent brother.
“One of you two,” my mother said, glancing between me and him, “will have to take Sayuki’s place as the Tachibana heir’s bride.”
It would take approximately ten seconds for me to whip out the sedative hidden in my left sleeve and administer it to my brother so I could leave him behind as a scapegoat, ten minutes to make my way out of the high rise building while avoiding security, and half an hour to make sure I had lost any and all pursuers before heading to one of the many safe houses I had made just for situations like this.
Drastic? Perhaps.
But if Sayuki-nee was allowed use elopement as a way to get out of this arranged marriage, then I was allowed to use the many resources and services at my disposal.
Sorry, brother dearest, but my motto is ‘always look out for number one’. If it makes you feel better, you’re number two, which is close, but still not numero uno.
My hand slowly crept towards my sleeve and I eyed the distance between me and everything else, mentally calculating the most efficient escape route.
Mother must have noticed my movements, as she sighed heavily and looked directly at me when she said “Don’t do anything drastic now. It still hasn’t been decided who’ll become the next bride.”
Oh, good. I relaxed and placed my hand back in my lap. My brother looked confused.
“What do you mean? Kaede’s your only daughter left.”
This time, Father was the one who answered. “The Tachibana’s heir is somewhat… eccentric. He says he’ll come by sometime this week to decide who’ll become his bride.”
Ooh, very nice. This way, I could push the marriage onto Kaoru and watch the chaos unfold from a front row seat.
My brother still looked confused, because “Who the hell wants a male bride?”, but just shrugged and assumed that I’d be the bride in the end.
Brother dearest, you really are too naive.
The ‘sometime this week’ was apparently two days later.
With our oldest brother already declared as heir of the Sanada Corp and our sister decided as the political pawn, there hadn’t been many duties for us twins to fulfill, so we were allowed to pick which schools we wanted to go to. And so I decided we should go to a public high school.
On the 28th of November, the door to Midoma High’s Class 2-B burst open with a bang, and a well dressed teenager entered the room with a entourage of black suited bodyguards with sunglasses.
“Hello,” Tachibana Hiroki said, removing his own sunglasses and tucking them away in his shirt pocket. He slicked back his hair with a hand and smirked. “I’m here to see the Sanada twins.”
After they had gotten over their shock, as one, the class (minus me and my brother of course) raised their arms and pointed at where we sat next to each other.
Hiroki strode over to us, and slammed marriage registration papers on where we had joined our desks together so we could share a textbook.
“So,” he said, “who’ll it be?”
Kaoru frowned in confusion and opened his mouth:
“Obviously her, right? I mean, I’m male, so-”
He never got to finish as I produced a pair of handcuffs and snapped them around his wrists. I took another pair out and this time snapped one around the chain connecting his and the other around the Tachibana heir’s wrist. I tossed Hiroki the key and signed on the line meant for the witnesses.
“He’s all yours now,” I said, jabbing the plastic straw through the foil of my strawberry milk box. I took a long, noisy slurp as everyone processed my actions.
Mm, yeah. Strawberry milk was the best.
Hiroki raised an eyebrow and lifted his arm up high to examine his cuffed wrist, pulling my brother up with his movements.
“O-oi!” protested my brother. “The hell do you think you’re doing, nee-san?!”
“Delegating.”
“No no no, I don’t think that word applies here.”
The Tachibana’s heir finally spoke.
“What’s stopping me from removing these cuffs and forcing you to be my bride instead?” he asked me, obviously amused.
“The fact that Kaoru would make a way better wife than me.”
“Oh?”
“You want the long list or the short list?” I paused, then waved my hand dismissively. “Nevermind, I’ll just read out both.”
With a flick of my wrist, I produced a small notebook from out of thin air and started reading from it.
“The long list: he’s a great cook, great housekeeper, has a great ass, has really soft hair, has the softest heart despite looking like a delinquent, has a great ass, is great at needlework, openly shows his emotions, has a great ass, last week he rescued a puppy from an abandoned storm drain, yesterday he found and fixed some little girl’s stuffed rabbit, has a great ass-”
“Stop saying that I have a great ass every few items!”
I ignored him and continued on with my list, which took five minutes to finish reading out, finally ending with “Oh, and did I mention that he has a great ass?”
“Kaede, you-”
“What’s the short list?” Hiroki interrupted, looking interested.
“He has a great ass,” I replied immediately.
“Stop-”
“Also, he absolutely sucks at running away, but he’ll keep trying anyway and it’s awfully amusing.”
“You-”
“Alright, I’m sold,” declared Hiroki. He slid the papers over so they lay directly in front of Kaoru, and I offered my brother a pen. “Sign the papers, and then we’ll be married.”
Bam!
He kicked his desk and caused it to fall, the papers scattering all over the floor.
Oh, it looks like he’s finally had enough, I noted, still drinking my milk.
“Don’t just go deciding everything on your own! Consider my feelings! I can’t just go and suddenly marry someone who I don’t know! And a man at that!”
…Hm. Well, now that number one’s out of danger, I guess it’s fine to show some concern for number two.
I met Hiroki’s eyes.
I deliberately put my milk down and folded my hands in my lap apologetically.
“You’re right,” I said. “We should have considered how you felt.”
“Perhaps I was too hasty,” Hiroki continued. “Of course you wouldn’t want to marry someone who you’d just met. Please forgive me.”
Kaoru blinked in surprise.
“O-oh. Well then, as long as you know you were in the wrong.”
“Oh, but what to do now?” I lamented. “Our family still needs to provide a bride for the Tachibanas.”
“But you’re unwilling to marry someone you don’t know,” Hiroki started.
“And Hiro-chan and I are just not compatible,” I finished, pretending to look sad about that.
“Onee-chan, what shall we do?” My future brother-in-law turned to me.
The exclamation of “When the hell did the two of you start calling each other so familiarly?!” was ignored.
“It is certainly a great dilemma, but I think I have a solution. Since Kaoru won’t marry someone he doesn’t know, then the only thing we can do is-”
I waited for Hiroki for sweep Kaoru up into his arms before continuing.
“-get him to know you. Intimately.”
“W-w-wha-”
I waved cheerily as my brother was carried away.
“I can see you have some doubts though. Don’t worry, brother dearest, if you’re still this unwilling to marry him by the time the wedding rolls around, I’ll take you with me when I run. But for now, just enjoy your time with the ultra handsome, gentlemanly, and rich Tachibana Hiroki, okay? Hiro-chan, take good care of my brother for me, yeah?”
“Will do, onee-chan~”
As they left, Kaoru still protesting loudly with his face flushed completely red, I began making plans just in case he was still against the marriage.
My prediction was that he wouldn’t be, but he’d still ask me to take him and run because he’d fallen in love with Hiroki, but didn’t think the other loved him back and couldn’t deal with a situation in which the one he was married to and in love with didn’t love him back and saw him as nothing more than a source of pleasure and entertainment. And then Hiroki, when he found out that Kaoru had finally run away for real, he’d realize his feelings for my brother and frantically search for him. After he had searched for some time, he’d finally find us in one of my safe-houses thanks to a generous tip-off from yours truly. And then the infamous argument and confession scene would rear its tear and icky feelings filled head.
I could be wrong and it could not turn out like that, I supposed, but I doubted it. When it came to things like this, I was never wrong.
I sighed.
Time to decide which of my safe houses I was the most willing to sacrifice.
Oz's Corner 
Hahahaha so funny!
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